I realized that life is not perfect this weekend. I am the type of person where I strive for everything to be perfect, but that is impossible. Eventually you break down and realize that you have to roll with life. I have been so frustrated with myself lately, that I finally broke down to my mom last night. The thing that is the hardest for me is dwelling on the past. I let people and events that happened in my past still affect me today. It is so hard. I would give up anything to not be haunted by these things, but each day they are still there in the back of my mind. I ask myself how can one person affect my life so much. I hate it and get frustrated by it. I understand that life is not easy, every day. I wish i just had a magic eraser to delete these things.

I won't let myself end where I started. I won't let myself finish where I begin.

Today I was looking through magazines, and realized how they really effect the way we as young women see ourselves. We wonder why our society is so messed up. We live where we are constantly striving for perfection. It drives me crazy. Some days I wish that I could just shut the world out, and didn't have any sources of influence. I wish that I didn't care about the way I looked, the crazy idea to be skinny in order to be happy, dealing with product lust, and struggling with relationships. I feel the media has such a hold on us. I want to rid myself of that. I want to be simply happy with being twenty one, and who I am in my own skin.