A few days ago was the first time in a very long time that I was open with my Dad about a piece of my past. We were talking on the phone, and he brought up the NFL Draft, and how my friend got drafted. He asked if I thought my ex boyfriend would get drafted. I told him that he should if he stays away from alcohol, drugs, and girls, and gets focused about his life. This lead into a deeper conversation hinting to why I moved from Utah to Florida. I had to escape a lifestyle that was taking me down the wrong path. I opened up and told my Dad that, my ex had asked me to marry him this summer. I told him, that for awhile I was so happy, but then I reflected back on my life, and I would never have the life I wanted if I stayed again. For once I felt like my Dad could understand my heartbreak, and a piece of what I expereinced. I think it was shocking to him to find out, the things that used to go on in my life that no longer do. It was a good connection, I feel like he understands a piece of me now that was missing for a long time.

My friend died tonight. I don't know what to say. I have been preparing myself the last couple of weeks for today. I know that he is in a better place now, and the pain is over. It is frusterating, I question why him, I can't though, I am trying to beleive that God has a plan. I am exhausted and will be praying for a long time tonight. Make sure that the people in your life that mean something to you know it, because you never know what God has planned. Goodnight.

My grandma called me tonight, for our daily chat. She takes my little cousins to school every Thursday and Friday morning. Today she went to the house to take them. The youngest, Trevor, age 8, is extremely intelligent for his age. He loves school, he is always reading. For Christmas we had to put a world map up in his room. This morning he told my grandma that he didn't want to go to school. The other day the teacher was having a discussion about global warming with the students. Trevor, voiced his opinion that he wasn't so sure that global warming really is occurring. Instead of accepting his opinion. She decided to make a smart remark saying, "Of course Trevor doesn't think there is global warming." Now from the one comment she made, all of the other kids say, "of course Trevor doesn't have to,because he is a genius." This really has been bothering him, he told my grandma that he doesn't want to go to school tomorrow. I am so sad for him, this teacher has a huge influence on a seven year old. The kid who once loved school, is terrified of going. So frustrating for me to hear.

What a rainy day, on top of it, its Sunday, and I miss home. I don't know if I really miss home, I feel that something is missing here. I have not had the best week, but I'm trying not to dwell on it, things could be a lot worse. Sure this is the hardest I've ever worked in school, and my grades don't reflect it,so frusterating to me. I have a sense of loneliness lately, that I keep trying to disect why I feel this way. I feel down. I know that I shouldn't, in the big scheme of things, life is pretty good. I wish that I wouldn't have to fake a smile right now to the world and instead lay down and cry. I refuse to let myself do that though. I found out yesterday that my grandparents are coming to stay with me for a week, starting May 7. I am so happy that they will be here its a sense of releif. I don't have a lot to say this week. I feel that all my feelings are tucked so deep within me that if I bring them out, things could only get worse.

Today I had a rewarding experience within my Digital Arts class. I have been working on a project within illustrator, which has taken me a monumental amount of hours. The piece is similar to the type of art you may see in a Geico commercial with a bit of a twist. At the beginning of the semester, I struggled with understanding the concepts of working with a MAC, it can be extremely tricky at times. I presented my final project to the class. The critque was very positive, I received a lot of feedback. Many of the students commented to on how they loved my piece, and the meaning that it held. I have had a rough week, this really gave me a boost of confidence. I will be posting the piece next week at some point check it out, and let me know what you think.

Butler played Duke the other night in the NCAA National Championship. I was watching ESPN before the game tipped off, one of the commentators was making outrageous comments of how if Butler won, it would be a disgrace to NCAA Division I Basketball. I sat there and laughed. His reasoning was, because they were a mid major school, with no name players. I sat there and listened at how obnoxious he sounded. He has absolutely no idea how stupid his comments were. I was so proud of a school like Butler to make it that far, especially for a mid major school. Their program is obviously built on a solid foundation and not on millions of dollars spent on top national recruits. The match up recognized the point, that any team can win any given night. It doesn't matter what conference you are in, or weather you are major or mid major DI. It doesn't matter what the name on your jersey says, sure you can have a legacy, but if you work hard as Butler has, the possibilities are endless.

Have you ever had a panic attack. Has it ever been caused by another horrible person in this world? That is how I felt yesterday when I went to speak to a professor about how disrespectful one of my current teachers is to me. First off I do not have time to waste sitting in someone's office to discuss this. It is not one of my top priorities, but when I have anxiety about going to a class, that is not okay. While I was explaining my examples to him of disrespect, he blatantly told me that they were not valid, after another teacher had validated them, and told me to speak up about it. I did, and do you know what he said to me, " You think she just is disrespectful, because you are blonde!" WHAT DOES THAT HAVE TO DO WITH ANYTHING! I went into him on a basis of respect, and he threw disrespect right back in my face. It amazed me when I went to the gym after the meeting with him, and one of my classmates came up and told me that she didn't blame me for not coming to class, because of how the teacher treats me. She understood that I didn't want to deal with it. As you can tell I am very frustrated, but I will leave it at that. There are a lot of terrible people in this world. Lesson learned that I will never treat someone in the same disrespectful way that I have been treated.

Homesick today. It is Easter Sunday, I can envision my entire family sitting on the front porch drinking wince and chatting, while the little ones play in the yard. It is finally warming up at home and, you can begin to smell Spring. It hit me that I really do miss the clan, when I was sitting in the Cafe all alone eating a chicken salad sandwich for dinner. Doesn't really compare to the prime rib they would sit and feast upon. I wish I could have flown back, but my work is so important right now, i can not jeopardize that. I will be seeing them soon,I hope. Missing them all so very much.

I can not stand text messaging. I recently started talking to this guy, but all we do is text, how lame? It is hilarious when I'm basically disecting each text, to see what he means by his lol comment. I mean seriously this is ridiculous. Why doesn't he just ask me to hang out face to face, to get to know me. I am over trying to decifer a text. Hopefully this week, he can step his game up.